How to Make Small Talk as an Introvert

Small talk can be awkward, uncomfortable, and downright draining for introverts.

The idea of making light conversation with strangers or acquaintances often sparks anxiety, leaving many to avoid it altogether. But small talk doesn’t have to feel like torture. Understanding its purpose and employing a few practical tips can make it easier, even for the most introverted among us. Here’s how to make small talk less painful, keep conversations flowing, and transition into more meaningful exchanges.

Why Small Talk Matters

Small Talk Is About Connection, Not Content

At first glance, small talk may seem pointless. Discussing the weather, recent events, or other surface-level topics likely won’t change your life. But the real purpose of small talk isn’t about the information being shared. It’s about creating a sense of connection. Even brief conversations signal to both participants that they are part of a shared social world. Feeling connected, even in small ways, contributes to a sense of belonging—a basic human need.

When viewed through this lens, the pressure to be fascinating or endlessly entertaining fades. Small talk isn’t about dazzling anyone with your intellect; it’s about showing up and engaging.

Building Blocks for Future Relationships

Small talk acts as the foundation for stronger connections. By engaging in a casual chat, you and the other person are essentially testing the waters. Can you enjoy a simple exchange? Do your communication styles align? These small conversations plant the seeds for future deeper interactions, whether in friendships, work relationships, or even networking opportunities.

Reducing Small Talk Anxiety

Why Introverts Feel the Pressure

For introverts, small talk often triggers a mix of nerves and self-doubt. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, being judged, or experiencing an awkward silence. These anxieties can make it tempting to stay in the background or avoid interactions entirely. Unfortunately, this only adds to the cycle of discomfort.

The good news is most people are too busy worrying about themselves to care about whether your conversation flows perfectly. Accepting that small talk is inherently imperfect can ease the pressure.

Focus on the Other Person

Most of our small talk anxiety comes from focusing too much on ourselves: “Am I being interesting? Do I sound awkward?” A simple mental shift can reduce this tension. Turn your attention outward and focus on the person you’re speaking to. Ask questions, listen, and notice what they’re contributing. Staying curious about the other person not only keeps you engaged but makes the conversation feel less self-consciously daunting.

Don’t Overthink—Just Start

Overthinking a social situation often builds anxiety before it even begins. Instead of planning every step, try to jump in without hesitation. For example, if you’re entering a new gathering or event, speak to the first person you see. A simple “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met yet” can break the ice. The longer you wait, the more your nerves will escalate. Getting started quickly takes away the opportunity for doubt to creep in.

Starting Small Talk

Openers That Work

The best opening lines for small talk are simple, warm, and neutral. A friendly “How’s your day going?” or “This is a great event, isn’t it?” works in nearly any setting. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel—general questions or observations about your shared environment are safe bets.

Prep a Pocketful of Topics

One of the most stressful parts of small talk is fearing you’ll run out of things to say. Combat this by preparing a mental list of conversation topics ahead of time. Aim for ideas that are easy to discuss and unlikely to cause tension. For example:

• The weather: Always relevant, no matter where you are.
• Sports: Even if you’re not an expert, asking about popular teams or recent games gets people talking.
• TV and film: A quick “Have you watched anything good lately?” can spark a fun conversation.
• Food: Everyone eats, making it a universal subject.

For those who find these topics too dull, consider listening to a local news radio station on your way to events. Stories about quirky community happenings or interesting projects make great icebreakers without veering into heavy or controversial territory.

Keeping the Conversation Going

Opt for Open-Ended Questions

Once the conversation starts, steer away from yes/no questions. These often lead to dead ends. Instead, ask open-ended questions beginning with “What” and “How.” For instance:

• “What’s been a highlight of your week so far?”
• “How did you get into that line of work/hobby?”

Open-ended questions give people room to share more, encouraging a richer exchange.

Expand on Your Responses

If someone asks you a question, don’t limit yourself to a short answer. Even a simple “yes” or “no” can be built upon. For instance:

• Instead of: “Yes, I like cooking.”
• Try: “Yes, I love cooking. I just tried making homemade sushi. Have you ever attempted anything like that?”

Adding a little detail invites the other person to respond, keeping things flowing naturally.

Show Genuine Interest

People love to feel heard. By expressing genuine curiosity, you create an atmosphere where someone feels valued. This doesn’t mean faking endless enthusiasm—it can be as simple as following up with a thoughtful question or commenting on something they’ve shared. A little effort goes a long way in making someone feel comfortable.

Moving Beyond Surface-Level Small Talk

Transitioning to Stories

After warming up with simpler topics, you might get frustrated staying at the surface level indefinitely. Stories are a great way to transition into deeper conversation. Sharing moments from your life—like an amusing anecdote or a memorable experience—offers a glimpse of your personality and creates more engaging dialogue.

Rather than recounting events as a list of facts, include your thoughts and how you felt during the story. For instance, instead of just saying, “I went hiking,” you could say, “I went hiking last weekend, and it was beautiful but way more challenging than I expected. By the end, I felt completely exhausted but proud of myself.”

Encourage others to share their stories, too. Simple prompts like “What’s the story behind that?” or “How did you decide to try that?” help build a stronger rapport.

Here are 5 simple steps to being a smalltalk wizard!

Step 1: Start with a Compliment

When meeting someone new, starting on a positive note is crucial. People often approach new conversations cautiously, unsure if they’ll be judged or criticised. A compliment removes this tension and sets a friendly, open tone.

Joe Rogan often starts conversations with a simple compliment related to a guest’s career, energy, or appearance. These kinds of compliments are universal and easy to adapt to everyday interactions. For example:

• Complimenting their work: “I’m a big fan of what you’ve been doing recently. It’s impressive.”
• Noticing their energy: “You’re one of those people who always brings good vibes. It’s great to be around.”
• Making a platonic, fun comment about their appearance: “That moustache is brilliant—it’s totally giving me Guy Fawkes vibes!”

The Rules of Complimenting

While compliments can be a game-changer in small talk, there are a few pitfalls to avoid:

1. Keep it appropriate: Avoid comments that can come across as overly personal or suggestive.
2. Mean it: If you don’t genuinely believe the compliment, it’ll feel forced or manipulative.
3. Don’t linger too long: Complimenting and moving on naturally is key. Dwelling on it can make things awkward, especially with high-profile or self-confident individuals.

Remember, a compliment isn’t the whole conversation—it’s just a way to start with positive momentum.

Step 2: Transition Smoothly Using “Reminds Me Of”

One of the hardest parts of small talk is keeping the conversation going without it feeling forced. Many conversations stall because people think in a straight line, sticking to the current topic until it runs out of steam.

Joe Rogan uses what’s called “reminds me of” thinking to skip over awkward pauses. Here’s how it works: when someone mentions something, think about what it reminds you of and bring that into the conversation naturally.

Example: Joe Rogan and Josh Barnett

In a podcast with MMA fighter Josh Barnett, Joe started talking about Barnett’s iconic beard. Instead of just focusing on facial hair indefinitely, Joe made a playful connection: “Talking about beards reminds me of that Russian wrestler—he was covered in hair.” From there, the two ended up discussing athletes and fighters for several minutes.

Example: Joe Rogan and Rob Lowe

Joe turned an uninspiring question about baseball into something more engaging. Instead of just saying, “Not really a fan,” he pivoted to something that reminded him of fake crowd noises: cars that play fake engine sounds through speakers. That change transitioned the conversation into a more exciting topic they both enjoyed—cars.

The key takeaway? Small talk doesn’t have to follow a single track. If a subject doesn’t interest you, find a creative tangent and introduce it naturally.

Step 3: Ping for Shared Interests

Every good conversation has one thing in common: mutual excitement about the topic. Finding this shared ground can make or break your small talk. Joe Rogan does this throughout his episodes by subtly testing topics until something clicks.

For example, he often brings up topics he’s fascinated by, like DMT (a psychedelic substance). If the guest doesn’t know about it or find it interesting, he moves on. But when they do share his enthusiasm, it creates an instant bond that lights up the conversation.

You can do the same by gently probing for shared interests:

• Mention hobbies or pop-culture references and see how they respond.
• Share what you’re passionate about and watch for excitement in return.

Starting with broad questions like “What does your typical weekend look like?” or “What’s your favourite way to relax?” can help you home in on topics you’re both excited about.

Step 4: Ask “Why” Questions to Add Depth

Once small talk feels comfortable, you can deepen the conversation with “why” questions. This is where you get to know someone’s values and priorities. Instead of just asking “What do you do?”, try following up with:

• “Why did you choose that career?”
• “Why do you live here and not somewhere else?”

The “why” invites people to reflect and share more meaningful answers. It also makes you seem genuinely interested in them, which can strengthen your connection.

For example, instead of asking someone where they’re travelling next, ask, “Why are you drawn to travelling there?” This subtle shift opens up more room for an engaging response.

Step 5: Be an Engaging Listener

Half of great small talk isn’t about what you say—it’s about how you listen. Joe Rogan has two habits that make people feel seen and valued while talking:

Laugh Often

Joe laughs easily, even at things that aren’t traditionally funny. Whether it’s Elon Musk joking about selling flamethrowers or someone saying something absurd, Joe is quick to laugh. This helps lighten the mood and makes people feel appreciated for their humour or personality.

Practising this doesn’t mean forcing fake laughter. But letting yourself laugh freely when you’re amused helps create an open, warm connection. Watching something funny before social events can also get you in the right mindset.

Mirror Their Words

Another powerful tactic Joe uses is mirroring. This means repeating the last few words of what someone says to show you’re paying attention and to gently prompt them to expand. For example:

• Guest: “It’s been a tough year for me.”
• Joe: “A tough year?”

This small echo shows you’re engaged and invites the other person to keep sharing without feeling pressured. It’s a simple trick that instantly builds rapport.

The trick is not to overuse it. Mirroring works best when sprinkled naturally throughout a conversation, not after every sentence.

Be Authentic and Know Your Style

Finally, while you’re practising these small talk tips, it’s important to stay true to who you are. Joe Rogan is himself no matter who he’s talking to—casual, curious, and occasionally irreverent. Whether he’s chatting with a suit-clad intellectual like Jordan Peterson or a laid-back guest, his tone and presence stay consistent.

You don’t need to act like someone else to connect. People appreciate genuine energy, even if your style is quieter or less outgoing. The goal isn’t to be perfect—it’s to be present.

Ending Conversations Gracefully

Knowing When to Walk Away

Small talk doesn’t need to drag on forever. Many introverts worry they’ll seem rude by ending a conversation first, but it’s completely acceptable—especially if you do it kindly. A brief acknowledgment signals that the interaction was appreciated. For example:

• “It’s been so nice chatting with you! I’m going to go grab a drink, but I’ll catch you later.”
• “I’m going to check in with my friend over there, but it was lovely meeting you!”

Polite exit strategies let both parties leave the interaction on a positive note. Plus, they give you control over how long the conversation lasts, helping to prevent social burnout.

Practice Makes Small Talk Easier

The more you practise small talk, the less intimidating it becomes. Celebrate small successes, like starting a conversation or keeping one going for longer than you expected. Mistakes and awkward moments are part of the process—they’ll help you improve over time.

For introverts, small talk doesn’t have to be an exhausting hurdle. By reframing it as an opportunity for connection, preparing in advance, and showing curiosity about others, you can navigate even the smallest of chats with more confidence and ease. Who knows? That brief exchange might even lead to something meaningful.