Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself – Transform Your Mind and Behaviour

Feeling stuck in a repetitive cycle of destructive emotions and bad habits? Relying on screens, shopping, or food to fill a void? You’re not alone.

Change can seem daunting, like it’s always just out of reach. But it doesn’t have to be. By understanding how your thoughts and feelings shape your reality, you can create a brand-new you from the inside out.

Let’s explore how to break that endless loop, understanding why your mind behaves the way it does, and how you can retrain it for long-term transformation.

The Loop That Keeps You Stuck

Most people unknowingly operate in a thought-feeling loop. Here’s how it works:

1. You think the same thoughts – “I always mess things up,” for instance.
2. Those thoughts lead to the same choices – You avoid challenges, delaying improvement.
3. Your behaviours stay the same – Meaning your experiences repeat themselves.
4. These experiences trigger emotions that loop back to the original thoughts.

Over time, these cycles hold your neurochemistry and even gene expression hostage. The result? You stay the same, feeling powerless to break free. It’s no wonder frustration sets in.

But here’s the good news: simply learning new information opens the door to change. When your brain acquires and processes new perspectives, it rewires itself to accommodate this knowledge, preparing your mind for fresh behaviours, choices, and emotions.

Updating Your Mental Software

Imagine your brain as a computer running outdated software. You have to identify that old programme first—it’s the current patterns, behaviours, and beliefs that no longer serve you. From there, you can consciously upload fresh, improved software.

This process requires observation. Consciously recognising the old patterns is the starting point for any significant shift. Much like swapping stale soil for fresh fertiliser in a garden, you need to dig into your core habits, making space for better ones to take root.

Understanding Your Current State

Many find themselves relying on external stimuli—things like screens, food, or social validation—to change their internal state. But this creates a dangerous dependency, trapping you in survival emotions like fear, guilt, or frustration.

The goal is to shift from reactive existence to active creation. It’s about recognising your power to cultivate positive emotions and elevated states at will.

The Hero vs The Enemy Within

In the journey of transformation, there’s an “enemy” and a “hero.”

• The Enemy You: This is the version of yourself living in survival mode. Fuelled by negative emotions, it relies on external cues for temporary relief. It’s stuck in those old loops, unable to look beyond past limitations.
• The Hero You: This is the version of yourself that chooses growth. Acting with intention, it embraces elevated emotions like love, joy, and peace. The hero no longer relies on external fixes—happiness and alignment come from within.

The gap between these two selves is where the work lies. The first step? Understanding why those destructive loops exist in the first place.

The Mechanics of Thought-Feeling Loops

Your thoughts are the language of the brain, while feelings are the body’s language. Together, they create a state of being. Here’s how it plays out:

1. You have a thought.
2. This thought releases neurotransmitters in your brain, affecting your neurons.
3. These signals release chemicals into the body, creating emotions.
4. Your emotional state informs the brain, sparking similar thoughts.

The body and mind reinforce each other in this cycle. If you’ve repeatedly lived through guilt or shame, your body craves that same chemical experience, making those emotions feel “normal.”

Over time, prolonged moods turn into temperaments. Temperaments shape your personality. By age 35, about 90% of your behaviour becomes subconscious, driven by these well-worn loops.

Why Living in the Past Keeps You Stuck

Memories are stored emotions. When you dwell on the past, your brain and body relive it as if it’s happening in real-time. The same chemicals are released, pulling you back into old cycles. This habit keeps the past alive, dictating who you are today.

It’s why attempting change feels like hitting a wall: your brain resists breaking away from the well-trodden pathways that feel comfortable, even when they no longer serve you.

The Power of Elevated Emotions

Replacing survival emotions requires intention. Elevated emotions—love, gratitude, serenity—are the key to shifting your internal state. Instead of reacting to your environment, you create coherence between your mind and body, projecting a sense of alignment outward.

This process doesn’t ignore challenges. Instead, it builds resilience by focusing on inner stability over external validation.

Tools for Behaviour Change

So how do you put all of this into action? Here’s a framework to guide your transformation step by step:

Gain Knowledge

Educate yourself. Knowledge primes your brain to create new experiences. For instance, reading a book about compassion could reshape interactions with difficult relationships. By acquiring new information, you give your brain the tools it needs to form new thought patterns.

Become Familiar with Your Old Self

Take inventory of thought-feeling loops that no longer serve you. Observe how they play out, like an athlete studying their own performance on video. Write everything down. The more aware you become of these patterns, the harder it is for them to slip into unconscious behaviour.

Surrender and Trust the Process

You can’t create a new self while clinging to the old one. Letting go takes courage. Trust that stepping outside your comfort zone will open space for growth. Use mantras to centre yourself, like: “I release my suffering and welcome new possibilities.”

Define Your Ideal Self

Who do you want to become? Imagine the thoughts, actions, and emotions of your most ideal version. Ask questions like:

• How would I think in this new state?
• How would I act?
• What kind of emotions would I experience daily?

Keep these answers visible as reminders.

Rehearse the New You

Practice makes permanent. Rehearse your ideal state often—mentally at first, then in real-world actions. For change to take hold, focus on three factors:

1. Frequency – How often do you practise this state of being?
2. Intensity – Are you emotionally invested in the change?
3. Duration – Do you stick with it consistently over time?

Mind and body need repetition to integrate newer patterns into automatic behaviour.

Managing Resistance

Old habits will fight back. Your body, conditioned to its familiar survival states, will resist the new. Use the word “change” as a cognitive tool during moments of struggle. Saying it aloud interrupts the pattern, giving you a chance to redirect your focus.

Remind yourself: The rewards of growth outweigh the comfort of old patterns.

Entering the Subconscious Mind

To create lasting improvement, you need to tap into the subconscious. This can be done in two ways:

1. Through meditation, where brainwave states move from high alertness (beta) into deeper, reflective states (alpha, theta, or delta).
2. Through repetition, consciously reinforcing new habits until they sink into the subconscious naturally.

Measuring Progress

As you work on improving your mind, journaling can help you track your path. Reflect on key questions like:

• Did I embody my ideal self today?
• When did I fall into old patterns, and how can I do better tomorrow?
• What positive changes am I noticing in my thoughts and behaviours?

Final Thoughts

Improving your mind starts with a simple idea: who you’ve been doesn’t have to define who you become. Challenge the habits, emotions, and thought loops keeping you stuck. With time, patience, and a willingness to practice, change becomes your new normal.

As Dr Joe Dispenza reminds us: “When our behaviours match our intentions, and our actions align with our thoughts, immense power is unlocked.”

Your new self is waiting. What will you do today to create it?